It's finally fall! Time for
Yep- this year's fall television premieres are here and they're ... mostly underwhelming. Here are some new ideas for old shows that would make this fall legendary.
Breaking Bad
AMC, feeling really spinoffish lately, continues the story we left after Season Five of Breaking Bad. Walt Jr's guilty conscience won't allow him to simply live off of the millions his infamous father coerced two rich simps into giving his family. Jr uses the money to buy the besmirched Pollos y Hermanos restaurant chain and immediately introduces a 24/7 breakfast-only menu.
The concept is a smash and Walt Jr's breakfast is selling like hotcakes, which just so happen to be their most popular entree. These buttermilk miracles are packed with flavor thanks to Jr's meticulously curated recipe. Their secret ingredient gives the batter a blue tint, giving the cakes a distinct signature look. Rival chains start to lose customers to the delicious blue pancakes served over at Jr's. Franchise opportunities and expansion loom large and Jr's local competitors aren't happy about it. Meanwhile, Jr's friend Lewis lands an internship with the FDA. His assignment is working as a research assistant on a new investigation into the illegal import of Blue #1 food coloring, which Jr recently started adding to his famous batter to give his pancakes a more vibrant hue. The joint quest of Albuquerque area diners and the FDA to keep Walt Jr. from restaurant mogul status forms the story arc for the new series.
Cancellation Count: Five seasons. It matches the run of Breaking Bad before we all realize that Vince Gilligan recycled the same storylines but with pancakes instead of meth.
Friends/Living Single
What hijinks will ensue when the cast of "Friends" meet their crosstown counterparts from pre-hipster Brooklyn? The first few episodes are of the "very special" persuasion as the Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe and Monica realize black people actually exist. Original plans call for the show to feature nuanced looks at race, privilege and the wealth gap.
Shockingly, the general public can't handle it. Amid an onslaught of offensive Reddit comments and Donald Trump speeches, the network decides to end this experiment. The finale goes ultra-2015 when gentrification prices the Living Single cast out of their brownstones, Khadijah's Flavor magazine is bought out by Viacom and Ross and Rachel file for divorce. Thanks Obama.
Cancellation Count: This is measure of how long most people you see on the internet can remain civil in the face of controversial pop culture. I'll give it two episodes.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
NBC announces the premiere of Season 7 of the Fresh Prince with huge news: the original Aunt Viv is back! But not so fast: fans are upset to realize that the network pulled the okey doke by casting Fetty Wap as the new Will.
Backstage politics wreck an otherwise salvageable project. Fetty's absurd contract rider stipulates that tapings start and end at :17 and :38 after the hour, respectively. This makes single episodes take three months to shoot. His demands also include that fellow cast members perform weekly table reads "his way" with one eye closed for the sake of fairness and empathy. The real Aunt Viv leaves the show- again- after Fetty continuously refers to her on set as "that Trap Queen over there". The final straw is when Alfonso Ribeiro is forced, per contract, to serve drinks and perform the Carlton Dance on command in Fetty's trailer.
Backstage politics wreck an otherwise salvageable project. Fetty's absurd contract rider stipulates that tapings start and end at :17 and :38 after the hour, respectively. This makes single episodes take three months to shoot. His demands also include that fellow cast members perform weekly table reads "his way" with one eye closed for the sake of fairness and empathy. The real Aunt Viv leaves the show- again- after Fetty continuously refers to her on set as "that Trap Queen over there". The final straw is when Alfonso Ribeiro is forced, per contract, to serve drinks and perform the Carlton Dance on command in Fetty's trailer.
Cancellation Count: We'll find out soon enough because this might actually happen. Well maybe not in the way I described, but close enough.
Keenan and Kel
Coming off a reunion on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Keenan and Kel are back in the public consciousness. The popular Good Burger sketch was made famous on another show (All That, also from super television producer Dan Schneider) the duo's legacy was cemented on their titular Nickeoldeon spin-off.
What would a new version of Keenan and Kel look like? Here it goes:
Keenan and Kel find success after the orange soda startup they founded in college blows up. Keenan finds personal gain from with relentless scheming on side ventures he explores apart from Kel, who remains content to play it safe. Keenan decides cash out by selling the majority of their orange soda company to an investment firm (he weaseled a lions share of ownership from Kel at the beginning of their partnership). The new board of directors unanimously vote K
el out of the ownership group, shut down bottling and make profit off licensing the company logo on screen tees and drinking glasses. Kel is broke while Keenan's clocking much dollars.
The first season of the reboot follows Kel's never-ending, wacky attempts to score money and a job with new business ideas for Kennan to finance. On the surface he's looking to rekindle ties with an old business partner but we know he really just wants to win back his best friend.
Keenan and Kel find success after the orange soda startup they founded in college blows up. Keenan finds personal gain from with relentless scheming on side ventures he explores apart from Kel, who remains content to play it safe. Keenan decides cash out by selling the majority of their orange soda company to an investment firm (he weaseled a lions share of ownership from Kel at the beginning of their partnership). The new board of directors unanimously vote K
el out of the ownership group, shut down bottling and make profit off licensing the company logo on screen tees and drinking glasses. Kel is broke while Keenan's clocking much dollars. The first season of the reboot follows Kel's never-ending, wacky attempts to score money and a job with new business ideas for Kennan to finance. On the surface he's looking to rekindle ties with an old business partner but we know he really just wants to win back his best friend.
Cancellation Count: Six episodes. The show ends halfway through the first season when Keenan leverages its success to land a spot on the cast of "Empire". Kel is left out again and we're left still wishing they'd get back together for real.
