Reconciling What is vs. What was supposed it be

Now that I'm old enough to somewhat vividly recall the world 20 years ago, I can see that my worldview had yet to be blown up by life's letdowns.  The Braves were World Series champions, pro wrestling proved that the good guys always won and I was on track to play both pro football and baseball while defending the WWF Championship in my spare time.  

20 years into the future and reality hasn't only set in- it beat down the door, snatched the TV remote and made itself sandwich.

I wish could warn 6 year old me about what was next. The Braves will never be better, Hulk Hogan’s a racist and the road towards all you aspire to become runs straight through a cubicle.  The horror.

In actuality, childhood was fun. Naps in school, little to no homework and having tons of energy were all great, but they were enough.  Something else, a milestone or new place we heard about from an older sibling or saw on TV didn't just take the fun out of where we were- it made it look like a punishment.

In 8^th grade, high school was the next big thing.  Then it was getting a license, followed by going to college, then graduating from college and ending with getting the right job.  Step after step, the next seeming better than the last but each leaving us needing more.  Access to the stuff we really want feels impeded by the things we actually have.  But in the mad pursuit of what’s next, we’ve neglected to enjoy what’s now.

I don’t think happiness has to permanently reside in the future.  There are worthwhile moments, relationships and experiences we can grab right where we are today.  Some of these opportunities weren’t possible last year and won’t be around in one year or even a single day.  A lot of these won’t seem shareable on Instagram or up to par with where your friends appear to be, but looking at situations side by side is useless and unhealthy.  Over time I’ve learned that true contentment dies with comparison.

We have the choice to yearn for what was, regret could’ve been or hope for what still might happen, but why do that when a better alternative exists?  By acknowledging who we are and what we can do, we empower ourselves to not worry about what’s not gone/not here and take full advantage of we have right now.  Don't merely exist in the present; invest in it.

Quotes from a guy who lived the struggle (with my own thoughts too!)

I've finished more books in the last four years I did in my entire college career.

Required reading in college was a real struggle, but one that I actually managed to get through.  The admittedly small handful of books I've finished since college have had a much greater impact on my life than the dozens I read in school. 

Two of those inspiring works were written by Paul Angone, an author with a great understanding of the challenges that life in your twenties brings for many of us.  I highly suggest you buy his books and follow him on Twitter, but for now check out these praiseworthy quotes from the final chapter of All Groan Up: Searching for Self, Faith and a Freaking Job!", with some follow up thoughts from me below each. 

"I was strategically settling for a season to work on a new route toward the dream I felt I was not supposed to let go of."

Waiting for the perfect job kept me in an imperfect one for way too long. On the worst days, it was tempting to fantasize about my next stop: a job that requires all of my talents with management that accepts (and gives me credit for) all of my ideas.

All this plus no night or weekend hours work with a reverse commute from an immaculate downtown condo.

I let my distaste for a job that I couldn't stand allow me to lust for one that didn't exist.  Accepting that there is no perfect job will not only make a truly toxic work environment more bearable, it'll also open your mind to a greater number of career moves that'll get you out of that hell hole a lot quicker.

"I stopped waiting for a publisher's permission to tell my story and just began sharing it."

One of my biggest insecurities is feeling that I need a huge audience for anything I create to really matter, as if it's only legit if the masses bear witness.  By waiting for a stamp of approval, whether it's from an employer, guy/girl or whomever, we make ourselves slaves to whatever it is that can open the door to what we're fighting for.  Do what ever it is that you do, even if it's on a small scale for now. 

"All the dark and dismal places of defeat that I'd frequently visited were helping show people a way out of theirs."

To phraphrase Andre 3000, we all want to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.  Every inspiring story that motivates us all to push through hard times needed someone to, well, actually suffer first. There's great value in not being born into limitless opportunities, resources and fortune; those who are don't always fare well.  See.

"...at 5:00 a.m., on lunch breaks, late into the night, I was still writing.  It had become something I could not NOT do."

My last job required a huge time commitment outside of normal working hours.  This forced me to really place a premium on time I spent away from work- every hour had to have a purpose, even if it was for rest.

Recovering spare time is like collecting loose change.  Bit by bit it doesn't seem like much, but eventually you realize that you've saved enough to get something worthwhile.  An easy way to start: don't spend your full lunch hour eating a sandwich.  Go hustle (a tip I first borrowed from Jon Acuff).

"I've learned that most of the time we don't choose between chasing our dream and paying the bills.  We do both at the same time."

In my senior year at Georgia College, I developed a fear of what I thought was a terrible fate- working a job I didn't love so I could pay bills.  Back then, I couldn't imagine that any decent person would settle for a job that did not offer great personal fulfillment and also be impressive enough to get lots of likes on Linkedin.  Later that year, I ate chicken wings from a takeout box I thrown in the trash and quickly decided that wasn't about that starving artist life.  So I graduated and took a job that didn't do much besides pay for rent and groceries (which is of course is A LOT) while also finding opportunities outside of work to pursue my passions.  In other words, I wore suits and wrote blogs... at the same damn time. 

"...the detours we'll come across along the way aren't distractions from our dreams... they lead straight to the heart of them."

Years (months? Please, God?) from now, I'll tell you all of those up and down life experiences I had post-graduation were used to write that awesome TV show/book/movie that everyone's talking about.  I'll sit on the couch with Jimmy Fallon and laugh about the manipulative, insecure work people, small town slum lords and bad decisions I made all on my own that shaped the wacky characters America's fallen in love with.  My success, I'll tell the world, is owed to all the stuff I hated in the moment but value in the present.  The camera will lock onto my face close enough for you to see that I truly mean every word of it.  You'll know I do because you read me say as much on a free blog site well before my stupid 20s made any sense.  

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